(Mountain View, CA) — In the small circle that is his family, friends, and acquaintances, Micah Laaker is known as a man who loves fast food. A person who decries Supersize Me as nothing but a farce, a snobbish, poorly-executed whiner’s unscientific smear campaign just to look good to his vegan girlfriend. A person who wholly acknowledges there is nothing wholesome or nutritional about fast food, but does acknowledge the addictiveness of the taste and price point.

As such a person, many in his circle occasionally ask his opinion on the nuances of fast foodery. “Hey, dude. Which fast food fried chicken joint should I hit today?” (His reply? “KFC, unless Popeyes is within range.”) “What shouldn’t I get at McDonald’s?” (“Easy answer: Filet-o-Fish, the McRib, and any of their steamed-not-grilled meats… it’s like someone’s just breathing hot and heavy over your meat. Not a good way to start a meal.”) “What menu change has you most irked?” (“Subway’s inconceivable dropping of Spicy Mustard as an available condiment.”) “Who serves the best fountain drinks?” (“No one has beat McDonald’s.”) “What does Burger King do right?” (“The Whopper, old-school chicken sandwich, and their previous generation of french fries. NOT their current abysmally-poor-tasting generation of fries.”)