(New York City) - In a move that sent shock waves through the fast food community, Micah Laaker announced a moratorium on the very places he once so often frequented: fried chicken establishments.
"The joy just isn’t there any more. Every time I get some spicy chicken at Popeye’s, my tummy takes a tumbling for the [...]

(New York City) - Known for his impressive ability to hold longstanding and often unwarranted grudges, Micah Laaker today announced his public release of his Enemies List on the eve of the summer solstice.
“People need to know where they stand with me,” said Mr. Laaker. “Too many people feel comfortable saying, ‘Oh, that craaaaaaaazy Mr. [...]

(New York City) - Once again lambasting a major corporation over mere personal problems, Micah Laaker today announced KFC (the food artist formerly known as Kentucky Fried Chicken) and Colonel Sanders were personally responsible for his recent illnesses.
"Today marks a sad turning point in my relationship with the Colonel and his merry band of chicken [...]